Control freaks


Warning: Highly philosophical stuffs follows

With lots of time and nothing to do, have started musing about the way of life. Well something to stop my mind from being a devil’s workshop. Well till now it has just turned out to be questions questions and more questions with no answers coming out of it.

Why is that people want to control others life? I have seen this a lot and it is especially the people whom we love that we want to control. Although most of us don’t even recognize that we are doing it, it comes out rather involuntarily. It is almost like “Well here is another part of my life that i need to get in order” and never “Yeah… She is an important part of my life but let her do the things her way”. Agreed that she is an important part of your life, but from where does it give you the right to control it. In some situations i have seen it being done to that extent that every action might be questioned like “Why were you smiling so much? Stop smiling so much”, “Why were you sitting there?? Sit here” …

A lot many relationships have broken down due to this, but yet it couldn’t be controlled as it is involuntary. I am not telling that i haven’t done anything of that sort. Rather i am sure that if you draw a list of the culprits, mine will be the top most name in the list. But most of the times i have known right after i have told/done something and have either shut up or apologized, being an idiot i am it is mostly the former.

Another variation of the former is wanting others to do the things in the same way as i do. Be it a normal chore of moving a chair around, finding the sum of the cells in an excel file or be it any other simple task. We want others to do the stuffs in the same way that we do. That is the reason you see your friend moving the chair slightly off the position and then back to the same position it was in earlier after you have pushed it in. Another friend of mine amused and irritated me to the same extent when he said that i am taking the sum of the cells wrong. Well, it was the sum of some 20 rows of numbers in 3 columns and all i was doing was selecting all the 20 rows in one column and then selecting the other 2 columns, so that the entire set of numbers are selected. After 3 attempts, I came to know what was happening here and passed on the mouse to him and asked him to do his way. And what did he do select all the 3 columns in one row and then select the 20 rows. It didn’t matter to him that the sum was the same. He wanted it to be done his way.

Well, one explanation i could think of for this phenomenon is that once we get comfortable with some people we start thinking that it is a part of our life. And then we would want that part of the life to be led the same way we had done all the other parts of our life. What we seem to forget is that doing so we might end up losing that part of life altogether.

Well another reason for this may be that indeed the way we are doing is not the correct one and the person might have already tried it out and thus is advising us against it. But in the world of control freaks, how do we identify these noble souls??

PS: All the gender specific instances in the above post doesn’t mean that it is only one gender which does it. It just came out that way, coz it was easier to write

The Art of Losing

“What a weird title for a post!!! ” ” Who wants to learn how to lose?? ” “Has this guy gone mad?? ”

These may be the responses of some of the people who read this. But, I have my own reasons for naming a post like this.

I believe, just like winning . losing is also an art. By that I am not talking about the way the Indian team has mastered the art of snatching defeat from the hands of victory. That is not what I want to discuss. What I want to discuss about is the attitude of some people who believe that losing is the most humiliating act. Of course, we all believe in winning and try our level best to win. But there are circumstances where there may be someone who is much better than us and we do lose. It is at times like these that the art of losing comes into picture.

By “Art of Losing”, I mean how to behave properly and accept defeat gracefully if u lose. This is one thing which I believe the parents has to teach their young ones right from day one. But ironically, it is the same parents who are responsible in making them sore losers. (well most of the parents atleast). Right from day one they want their kids to perform well in school. Nothing bad in that. Some of them can perform well, while some can’t. So what do the parents do?? The same thing all the parents in the past have done and most probably will continue to do in the future too, compare them with their peers.

Here comes the tricky part. I for one believe that comparison is good. It measures u with ur peers and most of the times it eggs u on to do something much better. But the tricky part in comparison is finding that thin line till where u can encourage your kid and being within it. You need to convey the message that while u appreciate what he/she has done, they can still do better. By comparing with someone, u need to set the target which u want the kid to achieve. If u do it the right way, it will be like, “Its good u have got this much marks, but I believe u can do much more better. See X, I think u can get similar marks like. Try to get somewhere around that”. But if u do it wrong, it becomes like,” Why can’t u do well?? See X, he/she is so good. Why can’t u be like him/her?. Next time I need you to get more marks from her “.

So what happens the next time if the kid gets more marks from what they had got last time, but still lesser marks from X ( remember less by 0.5 is also less). If the right technique was used, the kid doesn’t feel like a loser, but in the other technique, it just hits the kids morale. He thinks that he is a loser, but will not want to accept it. So he starts finding mistakes in others, complaining that the teacher is partial to X and so on. This is where u need to know “The Art of Losing”

Now if u people are wondering what’s wrong with this guy and why is he talking about kids, my apologies for that. Actually I never wanted to get into that part, but it just came about in the flow. What I wanted to talk was about the attitudes of some of teams and people when they lose.

Now if u want specific examples, Arsenal FC, Chelsea (Sometimes when they do lose) and Fernando Alonso comes to my mind. Arsenal are always known to be sore losers, but are now getting accustomed to losing coz of the last season, where they lost many times away from home. But I just can’t understand the attitude of Alonso. First time he loses, he claims that the FIA has fixed the race and they want Schumacher to win. Next race he loses, he goes on to blame his team mate telling that he is no good and he is not giving adequate cover. Now he has gone on record to claim that his team doesn’t want him to win. Now come on, can there be something more ridiculous than this?? Well wait there is. Next Alonso goes on to blame his team mate again. To quote him “The cars were side by side on the straight, he overtook me so there was no team play. Maybe even the opposite.” He goes on to claim, that he felt he was left alone. Gimme a break. Can somebody tell him that they are supposed to be racing and it is not his team mates mistake that Alonso was driving slowly. Just because he is his team mate doesn’t mean that he always have to be behind him, even though he has a better car. Reminds me of a kid throwing his playthings out of the pram.

Agreed u r paid to win races, but just because you don’t win, you can’t go around claiming that the whole world is against U. Accept defeat gracefully. Accept that on the given day someone else was better than U. Stop whinging about the whole world just because you lost.

Hope now I made it clear why Losing (gracefully) is an art too.

Ways to Live Success – Part II

Hi, here i am back with my latest musings. The book which i was talking about in the last post has really got me thinking a lot. It had a chapter titled “How to look irrestitibly attractive”. And of course as any normal guy o fmy age will do, i went thru the chapter eagerly. But, unfortunately it didn’t have any self-help tips or procedures to become ” Irresistibly attractive”. However, it did mention something amazing.

I brief, it said that being attractive is about energy. It is about our energy and the energy of the people with whom we interact. Like energies attract and unlike energies repel ( Don’t confuse with ur Magnetic attraction theories). If u r pretty close to someone, then it is because both of u are giving out similar energies. As far as the people who seems to continuously suffer from one or the other problems are concerned, that is because they are attracting it by giving out similar energy, knowingly or unknowingly. Now that explains why some students continuously gets into trouble. The trouble they create for others, attracts the trouble to them.

I usually have an unpleasant feeling when i see someone or when in somebodies company. For no practical reasons I will be abhoring the person. In such situations, a few of my friends do ask me as to why i hate that person so much and what (s)he has done. It was really puzzling. Why so i hate them?? Most of them haven’t harmed me. I have no reason to hate them. But still i do. I just couldn’t explain it. It was like, i hate them thats it, full stop. No reasons. Coz even i didn’t kow what the reason was. Well now, i do have an explanation for it. So people, now u got the answer why i hate a few people without any reason 🙂

Going on with the book, it tells that if we listen to the inner conscience, it does alert us when there are troubles lurking around. It might be like some unknown feeling in urself, or in form of some pain or the other. It knows whatever we are planning is not good for us and it does give out an intimation. I do agree with this part of it. I believe all of us does have an inner conscience which keeps on telling usif something we are doing/about to do is not right. But, most of us would have closed our doors to it, not listening to it even if it is informing us.

Reasons for my belief … simple, i have experienced it. So many times, if what i am planning to do is not right in some way, or if there is some serious trouble, i do get this sickening feeling, something like a knot in the stomach. Earlier, i used to ignore it, but paid a price for it. Later on too, I used to dismiss the previous incident as just a co incidence and go on with whatever i was planning, but used to pay a heavier price for it. Finally, when it almost came to life/death situation ( few may remember my experience/adventure of 2nd yr), i learnt that I do have to listen to it. I have done from then onwards, aborting my plans whenever, i felt the wierd feeling or doing something to get out of it. Touch wood…from then on I haven’t had any troublesome situations. Now i do know sceptics won’t agree with that, but do i want them to concur with me on these?? No way. It is my belief and i will listen to it as long as it keeps me away from trouble

Ways to Live Success

Well got hold of a book called “52 ways to Live Success” by Jeanne Shatbuno. A good inspirational book. Well it has got me thinking.

According to this book, the formula for a jouful and successful living is INSIDE OUT, i.e : Be + Do+ Have = Success.
While most ppl have an OUTSIDE IN approach, i.e: Have + Do + Be = Success. Makes me wonder what mine is. Dunno…Well i don’t even have a formula of success explicitly, but internally i think i follow a mixture of both of them.

To have a joyful and successful life, it is essential to first :

1. BE

Be yourself, Know what u really are. Know what is important to u.Know what makes u unique. Know what u do best.

2. DO

Do the things u do best. Use ur talents in a way that is helpful to others. Touch ppl in meaningful ways. Leave a lasting legacy.

3. HAVE

Have a life, not a lifestyle. Life should be oriented around what is most important to u. A life spent with those who really matter most to u.

Another interesting thing i discovered is abt clearing the stuffs which are draining energy out of us. All of us are bothered by a number of things. If u think abt it a bit, i think u can make out that it is these things which are draining the energy of life out of us. There are so many stuffs which we have to put up with. The priority is to get these stuffs cleared, if possible. Yes, few of the stuffs are not easy to clear off. But we need to make an effort in clearing it.

Lemme ponder over these stuffs right now. I’ll be back in a short while with more “stuffs”. U will have to bear up with it until i finish this book