Affirmation

OK … No new posts for more than a month and a mind not obliging to even try to write something. That was when @swaram posted this tag. Lemme tell you this is going to be insanely funny and insanely insane 🙂

The rules of this tag are as follows:

  • Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, IPOD etc. on shuffle.
  • For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
  • YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

1. If someone asks you, “are you okay” you say:

Keh Doon Tumhe – Ya chup Rahoon … To answer or not to is the question 🙂

2. How would you describe yourself ?
Learning to Fly [Pink Floyd] – How I wish i could fly … I mean how I wish I could have become a pilot

3. What do you like in a guy/girl ?
Soniyo (From the Heart) – A nice song from the movie Raaz (2009)

4. How do you feel today ?
Kangna [Dr Zeus – #1’s Greatest Bhangra Hits] – No where close to it 😐

5. What is your life’s purpose ?
Rhythm DivineNice …. 🙂 … An awesome song from Enrique Iglesias

6. What’s your motto ?
Like a prayer (Life is a mystery)Yep as of now life is a mystery

7. What do your friends think of you ?
Suraj ki kirnoA flop song from a flop movie …. This is what they think of me … Grrrrr

8. What do your parents think of you ?

Baat niklegi to phir door talak jaayegi [Jagjit Singh] – Huh !!! Whatever it means

9. What do you think of often ?
Bharat humko jaan se pyaara hai – Yo Baby …. Patriotic me 😀

10. What is 2 + 2 ?
Badi Haseen Raat thi [Jagjit Singh] Seriously … 2 + 2 = this ????

11. What do you think of your best friend ?
La Tortura [Shakira] – An awesome dance number … Sigh .. where is Shakira???

12. What is your life story ?
Aapke pyaar meinNice pick … finally my media player picks one right 😀 😉

13. What do you want to be when you grow up ?
Mein aisa kyun hoon – No no … That is what I am now … I don’t want to be the same 😐

14. What do you think when you see the person you like ?
Dil De diya hai Jaan bhi denge – Hmmmmm …. No comments

15. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Do ghoont mujhe bhi pilaade sharaabi Yo !!! Nice song to dance to 🙂 … Lets dance

16. What will they play at your funeral ?
Insha Allah [ Welcome ] – Kya ???? Song is nice … But a dance number in my funeral???

17. What is your hobby/interest ?
Chura liya hai tumne jo dil ko – Heh ???

18. What is your biggest fear ?
Tequila SunriseYeah … I am a vampire and am afraid of sunrise 🙂

19. What is your biggest secret ?
It was not me [Shaggy] – LOL … U shud listen to the lyrics of this 😉 . Check it here

20. What do you want right now ?
SongbirdA nice Kenny G song … Yes I do want a songbird now 🙂

21. What do you think of your friends ?
Jashn-E-Bahaara – Being with them is indeed a Jashn-e-bahaara time 😀

22. When you want to rush to the toilet, what do you think ?
Nothings gonna change my love for you – ROFLMAO … No no I am not suffering from OCD nor am I obsessed

23. Person you hate the most is in front of you, what will you tell the person ?
Mundiyaan tu bach ke rahi Bach ke rehna mujhse 😎

24. You have just won a lottery. What will you sing ?
Secret of SuccessWinning the lottery is the secret to my success????

25. What will you post this as?
Affirmation Nice song from Savage Garden and the title of this post

Seriously who thought of this tag and all these questions ????

Chaos Theory –II

So coming back to the chaos in the leave application fiasco as promised in the first part (which you can read here), this is how the conversation went.

Sometime in the first week of April

Me: Mr Hr, can you please change my reporting manager in the leave application from Mr A to Mr B??

HR: Hmmm … Sorry, we cannot do it without approval from VP. You apply for leave, they will take care.

So the application for leave was done and the system sent mail to Mr A. After a couple of days when the leave was not approved, I go to Mr A

Me: Hi… I had applied for leave….

Mr A: I don’t know what you learnt in MBA. Why do you keep sending the leave application to me when you do not report to me? Didn’t they teach it to you in MBA?

Me: Well, they did teach me that, even before my MBA. But unfortunately they did not teach that to the leave system, which sends the automated message

Mr A: Huh??? So you are blaming your problem on the system?? A typical MBA only.

Me: ???? :O (#$%#$%#$%)

Me: OK … What about my leave?

Mr A: Go and ask your reporting manager

So I go to Mr B.

Me: Hi … I was planning a vacation… Chutti chahiye tha

Mr B: Nahin milega

Me: Not now … in May

Mr B: Nahin milega

Me: (@#$@#) Sahi hai … You don’t even ask when I need and how long I need. You directly disapprove it?

Mr B: How many days you want?

Me: 10 days

Mr B: Nahin Milega

Me: I need it.

Mr B: Take 1 day

Me: (@#$@#$@#$@$) Nobody calls it a vacation

Mr B: Do you know the project plan for the project u r on?

Me: I am not the PM and the PM hasn’t shared it with me coz it has not yet started. But I know it will be in the development phase in May and I am not a developer.

Mr B: I need you to prepare test cases at that time

Me: I am not in QC.

Mr B: I need you to.

Me: OK, but that shouldn’t stop my leave. I need atleast 5 days of leave

Mr B: Ask Mr C

Me: Mr C??? I don’t report to him.

Mr B: You do.

Me: No, You did my appraisal.

Mr B: I did it because it was sent to me. But you report to Mr C.

Me: OK ….

I go to Mr C

Me: Hi .. I needed leave for 5 days in May

Mr C: OK … Ask Mr B

So at the end of all this …. Who is my boss??? Mr A, Mr B or Mr C????

Update:  Yeah the leave is approved and am off to Bangalore next week 😀

Chaos Theory – I

So the other day I went to my HR manager with just one question: “Can you please tell who I am reporting to???”

Appearing concerned the HR Manager asked: “Why, what happened???”

Me:” Nothing, just that the appraisal process has started and I would like to know who is conducting my appraisal.”

HR:” Who do you report to??”

Me: (D..uh)”That’s what I asked?”

HR:” Whose name is present in the leave system?”

Me:”Well … Leave system shows the name of Mr A. But I don’t work with him for anything”

HR:”He is your reporting manager.”

Me: “ So he will be conducting my appraisal?”

HR:”D..uh … Yeah”

Me:”OK”.

HR:” Did you log into the Performance Management System???”

Me:”Not yet. I don’t have the password”

HR: “OK I will send you one. You log in and tell me who your appraiser is”.

After a day a mail arrives in my inbox from the HR for the Performance Management System (oh so aptly shortened as PMS and which oh so aptly performs as if it is having PMS). I log in to the system and see that my appraiser is indeed Mr A. So I go to the HR manager and tell him that my appraiser as mentioned in the system is indeed Mr A.

HR: (With a I told u so grin on his face).” So he will be the one who will be appraising you. Perform a self appraisal. Tomorrow is the last day”.

So I come back to my seat and start my self-appraisal. After sifting through nearly 4-5 pages of rating questions which oh so reminded me of the stupid surveys which we are forced to fill in for the sake of friendship, relationship and sunken ships, I submit the self-appraisal, and the next screen comes up proclaiming: “Your appraisal is locked now and has been forwarded to the appraiser Mr B”.

MR B. ???? But I thought my appraiser was Mr A?? Off I go to Mr HR again.

Me:”Err… HR”.

HR: (Oh No… not him again)”Yes ????”

Me: “Did my reporting manager change in the last couple of hours?”

HR:”No … Still having doubts? Your appraiser is Mr. A and so he is your reporting manager”

Me: “Yeah he was my appraiser when I logged in to the system. I completed the appraisal and it said that it has been forwarded to my appraiser Mr B”.

HR: (Confused) “Mr B???…. Not Mr A???”

Me: “It said Mr B.”

HR: “Oh so he is your reporting manager.”

Me: “Ohhh.. K … He joined just 7 months back and I am working with him for only past month… What is he going to appraise me on??

HR: “Well … He will do your appraisal”

Me: (Damn … There goes my hike for a hike of its own) “So can you change the reporting manager in the leave system?”

HR: “Oh I need the approval for it from the VP. We’ll see what I can do”.

Well What happened with the leave system will be updated in the next part shortly.

Arbit – 1

Things u need to make a mega serials( in short saas-bahu type)
– A “highly gifted” script writer. Not easy to find one, but they say that if you find someone who thinks he can write and get him high, he can become a “extremely gifted” script writer
– A protagonist, better if it is a female one cause all u want to do is give all the trouble in the world to her, and a female protagonist shedding the glycerinated tears in the story is more suitable to earn the viewership of your target segment-the female of the house and thus makes sure that u earn back the money u spent on bottles of glycerin
– A vamp. It is better if this is also a female, but now a days they are trying out by having some male vamps also (vampires??)
– A big family, where no one knows how they are connected to the other, but make sure that everybody knows that they are in some business, though no one knows what business they are in.
– Try and put in dialogues talking of deals amounting to some 300 crores – 500 crores every 5 minutes though none of the actors/actresses talking the dialogue will know how many zeroes are there in that much of amount
– Something happening to the protagonists other half (not sure that they are better), so that more bottles of glycerin can be used. Then she finding another “other-half” and so on and so forth.

Funny one

This is some funny article which i found on the net, while browsing. I think many guys will be in one or the other of these situation. So do read and enjoy and comment on this 🙂

I am a nice guy. Or so my female friends tell me. I’m a nice, helpful,
generally likeable guy. So nice in fact that once a year, during that
wonderful festival called Raksha Bandhan when we Indians celebrate that
bond between a brother and sister, you will find me hiding under a table,
or if that’s not safe enough, under a chair, whimpering in fear, and
blithering like an idiot. (A lot of people feel that is exactly what I am,
but let’s not get into that now.)

A close friend of mine once said to me (and this was a girl who I had been
contemplating proposing marriage to), “I wish I had a younger brother like
you.” I mean, how is a man supposed to react to a statement like that? I
think women use such statements to see how men respond to situations of
extreme stress. It’s probably some kind of experiment in psychology. And we
men go along with it simply because, you know, they are women.

Talking about the strange things women have said to me, this is one of my
favorites: “You remind me of my dog.” Meaning, I assume, that I walk on all
fours, have long flappy ears, and prefer to relieve myself in front of a
water hydrant. I wonder if anyone would want that kind of person as his or
her younger brother.

So, as you would have guessed by now, I am single. I am a single, nice,
helpful, generally likeable guy. Who reminds women of their dog.

And I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as a single
woman. A single woman is like Schrödinger’s cat. (For the
not-so-technically-inclined, Schrödinger was a physicist. The sadist that
he was, he used a poor little cat to teach quantum physics. He hypothesized
a cat in a box, with an arrangement such that as long as the box was
closed, the cat could be either dead or alive. But the moment you opened
the box to check, a poisonous gas would be released killing the cat
instantly — if it had been alive in the first place. For more details,
type “Schrödinger’s cat” in Google.)

Women are like that. Until you bother to find out whether they are single
or not, they could be either. But the moment you get curious… bang,
they’re single no longer. It is normally between the first and third week
of my acquaintance with a girl that I’m given this glorious piece of
information.

“Hey, I have something to tell you. I’m getting engaged next week, and I
want you to come to the party.” Ahem.

“Guess what? I’m getting married next month! Aren’t you overjoyed?” Yes, of
course. I’m so happy I have tears in my eyes.

Once, I was talking to a girl on the phone, and we were interrupted when
she got a call on the other line. She came back on line a couple of minutes
later with the words “Oh, I’m sorry about that. That was my boyfriend.”
Your what?

And you know another thing? Somehow, I inspire this unprecedented amount of
trust in women. I’m considered completely harmless! Not only by the women,
but even their boyfriends, fiancés and husbands!

“Oh, you’re with him? Fine. Have a nice time.”

“You want to take a walk on the beach? I’m a little busy. Why don’t you
take him along?”

“It’s Valentine’s day. The poor guy must be alone. Why not call him over
for lunch?”

I guess I’ve earned that reputation over a long period of time, but still,
you know. Sometimes you wish the guys would feel just a little bit
threatened.

And it’s not like I look harmless either. The following incident is a
favorite example:

I was at an Archie’s gallery. This was the time when they had that stuffed
monkey on sale. You know, the one that whistled every time you crossed its
path. The kind of whistle that a guy might make when a good-looking girl
walks by. So the monkey was on display in one of the aisles, and the first
five minutes that I was there, it must have been triggered about 15 times.
Gets quite irritating, really. After that, for a few minutes, there was no
one in the shop, and I had some peace. Then a girl walked in, and soon
crossed the path of the monkey. The monkey whistled dutifully. And out of
curiosity, with a big smile on my face for some reason, I turned to see who
the monkey had whistled at. At exactly the same moment, the girl turned
around, to see who had whistled. If looks could kill, she would have wiped
out an army. Fifteen seconds later she had left the shop. I must thank my
lucky stars she didn’t slap me, or have me beaten up by the moral brigade.
But I think you understand what I’m trying to say. Which is, that I don’t
look all that harmless. So, why the loads of trust?

They also tell me that I’m easy to talk to. That is probably why I’m one of
the first people a girl would tell her secret crushes to. None of which
ever include me, of course. But I think you must have guessed that. As you
can imagine, I attend most weddings as a friend of the girl.

But I take solace in the fact that I’m not the only one.
DISCLAIMER:NO offence intended to anyone.